This is Me
by CarolynStoddardMoretz
Summary: Alexandra wants two things. One- a better life. Two- a shot at the big time. When she auditioned for the American X Factor she never expected the girl of her dreams to fall in love with her.
1. Prologue

My heart beat so hard I thought it was going to shoot out of my chest as I took my first step onto the stage. My blood raced through my veins in a rush as I laid eyes on them and I became nervous. The four judges Simon Cowell, Kelly Rowland, Paulina Rubio, and Demi Lovato sat at their little table looking through papers and watching me walk into place.

I stood in the middle of the stage awkwardly, I was completely nervous. "Hello," Simon began, "What's your name?"

"Alexandra Grant," I replied.

"And where are you from Alexandra?"

"Houston, Texas."

"How young are you?" Kelly asked me.

"I am twenty years old, and I currently work as a waitress in a cocktail bar," I answered.

"What are you going to sing for us?" asked Kelly looking up from the paper in front of her and smiling at me.

My eyes wandered over to Demi for a split second and then back to Kelly. I didn't want to seem stupid or childish, maybe I should do something a cappella. No. I prepared for this and worked my ass off. It's not even the original pop music; it's a piano recording that I played myself. "Can it be a surprise?" I asked letting out a nervous giggle and a smile.

"Sure," Demi laughed with a huge blush on her face. Why was she blushing? I was the one who was madly in love with _her, _not the other way around. The music started, my fancy intro and all the judges looked intrigued.

I started singing, and I have to say myself that it wasn't a strong start at all. I was scared and I didn't know what to do. My eyes fell on Simon who was smirking in a bad sort of way, like he was trying to stop himself from laughing almost, so I diverted my eyes to Demi. She looked at me with caring and loving eyes, an expression on her face that said, "You can do this," so I took a deep breath and sang the chorus.

Demi gave me a satisfied smile as I began the second verse of her song, and I started to feel way more confident. I practically had a Mitche Torres moment, ironic if you think about it. The song was over and I had sung the words "This is me" for the last time.

Again, I stood there awkwardly waiting for the judges to say something. No one said anything at first, so I decided to say something instead. "Simon?" I asked getting his attention.

"I didn't like it," he said. My heart sank and I thought I was going to stop breathing. "It was pitchy in places and you had a weak start…but that can be fixed. I didn't like it, I loved it. The way you lost yourself in the song was phenomenal, you are a true artist."

By this time a couple of tears had slipped down my face, I hadn't even realized that I was crying though. "Girl! Where did that voice come from?" Kelly asked excitedly. "You walked out here and you were all shy 'Hi my name is Alexandra' and then you were like 'This is real this is me!'," she said in a funny, mocking way. "You were amazing! Paulina?"

"I loved how you put your heart and soul into the song. Yes darling this is exactly where you're supposed to be," she said with a smile.

"Thank you," I said.

"Demi? You look excited to say something," Paulina said passing a turn to talk to Demi.

Demi, who was bouncing up in down in her seat like a little kid, replied with, "Yes! I do!" She pushed back her chair and ran up to me. Demi gave me a hug and whispered into my ear. "Sweetheart you were amazing," she said almost in tears. "Don't be so nervous next time, I'm so proud of you."

Demi ran back to her seat. "Sorry you guys," she said with a laugh, "I couldn't resist it. Alexandra, you were amazing up there. I noticed that it was a bit of a shaky and weak start, but that's just lack of confidence. We can help you with that. I really liked what you did with the song. Was that you playing the piano?"

"Yes," I replied.

"Oh my gosh!" she said excitedly, "That was insanely awesome! You are a true artist."

"Alright let's vote," Simon said. "Kelly?"

"Hell yes," she replied. "Paulina?"

"Heck yes! Simon?"

"Alexandra, easiest yes I've given all day," he said with a smile. "Demi?" he asked looking at her.

"Absolutely yes," she said with a smile.

"Well there you go darling, you've got four yeses," Simon told me.

"Thank you so much! I won't let you guys down!" I said. As I was walking off I looked once more at the judges. Simon winked at me, Kelly waved, Paulina waved, and Demi did something unbelievable in my book. Demi flashed me a smile and blew me a kiss. I discreetly pretended to catch so that no one would see.

I stepped off the stage having no one there to greet me. After I handed the microphone to the stage hand I walked off and went to my car. I slammed the door and buckled my seatbelt. I sat there for a moment in the silence. I sighed, I couldn't believe what had just happened. My life was starting to turn around.

I put my key in the ignition and turned it starting the engine. Time to attempt to go through this Austin traffic and get back to the hotel. I turned on the radio, "Roar" by Katy Perry was playing. I started singing along and dancing in the car.

I got back to the hotel and went to my room. I was tired, today had been stressful. Kicking off my shoes I climbed into bed not caring about still being in my skinny jeans and closed my eyes. Demi's touch and whispered voice still lingered on my body and in my thoughts. Sweet dreams followed.


	2. Chapter 1

I awoke around 10:30 PM because I had to pee, and then I couldn't fall back asleep. I lay under the soft covers staring at the ceiling wishing I had something to occupy my mind with. After twenty minutes of nothingness I finally decided to go for a late night swim.

I put on my black bikini and wrapped up in towel. As I was pulling my hair into a messy bun I slipped on my flip flops that were by the door. Making sure I had my room key I shut the door and made my way to the elevator.

I walked out onto the patio and saw that there was a towel and bag already on one of the pool chairs. I didn't want to leave, I was already here; I set my things on a pool chair on the other side of the patio and then took off my towel.

I walked over to the edge of the pool and sat down sticking my feet in the water. I closed my eyes a moment and sighed as I listened to the grasshoppers, and then the splashing of water as the other person who was out here came up for air.

I opened my eyes to see a pretty girl with messy blond hair and brown eyes, sporting a simple brown bikini. I almost put her out of mind as I looked the other direction, but did a double take realizing that it was Demi. What were the odds of us staying at the same hotel?

She smiled a goofy smile at me and swam over to where I was sitting. Demi held onto the wall right beside me and laughed. "What are the odds?" she said.

"What? That we'd be at the same hotel, or that we both decided to come for a night swim?" I said with a smirk. No, stop! Don't be a bitch to her! God I hate myself sometimes. "So how are you?" I asked trying to sound nicer and a little casual.

"I'm good," she told me as she grinned that famous Lovato grin of hers. "Actually get in the pool," Demi took my hand in hers and tried to pull me in. "Please!" she said.

"Fine," I said rolling my eyes, but not being able to hide the blush on my face. I slid into the water and stood next to Demi.

"Yay. Now I'm not lonely anymore."

"Well I'm glad I could give you some company," I say before quickly going under the water to get the rest of my body wet. I came back up and noticed that Demi was looking at my body head to toe as best she could in the water. I didn't say anything, these little gestures were driving me nuts and didn't want them to stop.

"I really did love your audition," she said as she began to do a breast stroke across the pool.

"Thanks," I told her. Then I quickly started swimming towards her so we could continue our conversation. "It means a lot to me that you liked it," I told her once we were both on the other end of the pool. It was the deep end, so we rested our arms on the wall to stay afloat.

"It means a lot to me that one of my beautiful Lovatics sang that song," she told me. Demi inched a little closer towards me. People give Demi chills with their X Factor auditions? She was giving me all kinds of chills with our close proximity.

"Stop it before you kill this Lovatic," I said with a laugh.

Demi laughed. I love her laugh, it's so cute. "I would never," she said in a playful voice.

"Sto-o-o-o-op it-t-t-t!" I said trying to stop myself from laughing.

"I think you and I are going to be close this season," she said. "You're really cool, and you're funny. Let's not forget your beauty and your talents." I looked away for a moment to hide the sad expression I knew was on my face. "What's wrong?" Demi asked pulling me close to her in a comforting way.

"You keep saying I'm beautiful and I'm pretty," I comment.

"Because you are. You're gorgeous and I can't help but comment on it every chance I get," she said.

"Well I'm glad that you think so," I said, my voice a little melancholy.

"What do you mean?" Demi now sounded concerned, and that was the last thing I wanted to do. When I realized it was her I was hoping this would just be fun and we would hang out. Now she really cares, and there's no turning back.

"N-never mind," I said as I pulled away from her and hoisted myself out of the pool with my arms. I walked over to where my things were and grabbed them. From the time I got out of the water to the time I got in the elevator, the night had become silent. It was eerie and way too quiet, but I was used to the quietness. The quiet, lonely night had been my best friend for some time now.


	3. Chapter 2

I slipped out of my swimming suit while the running water in the shower was getting hot. I sighed and stepped into the bathtub and sat down, letting the water from above fall on me. My back rested against the cool wall and the mixture of the hot water and cold air sent a somewhat satisfying chill over me.

I closed my eyes and tried to relax. What was Demi up to? The way she touched me, the way she talked to me, and looked at me…she couldn't be gay could she? Could this have been something her manager has had her hide? The thought that Demi might possibly like girls was stuck in my brain, and I turned it over and over in my mind.

I found that I was now rubbing small circles on my clit with my thumb-this is what that woman does to me. "Oh Demetria," I said aloud, "I wish I was somehow right." But even if she was gay and she did have a thing for me, it probably wouldn't work out. It's not her, it's not her fame. The problem in the relationship that I had in my mind would be me.

I've always pushed people away that love me, maybe it's because I just got used to being so alone that I was afraid to let people in. I opened my eyes and shook my head before my fingers could make it inside me. I wasn't going to think about her that way tonight. I stood up and washed the chlorine out of my hair and then turned off the water.

I stepped out of the shower and dried my body off. There was a pair of black lace panties and an old concert t-shirt of mine sitting on the counter. I slipped my pajamas on and turned off the bathroom light before getting in bed again. I really was tired now, but not so much physically as I was emotionally and mentally.

I closed my eyes and images from the events in the pool popped into my head. I was so in love with her, if only I could tell her. I really couldn't tell anyone about anything that happened today, I didn't have anyone to tell. Then I remembered my sister.

My sister was the only member of my family that didn't hate me, and vice versa for that matter, and she and I used to be so close. But now that my parents have disowned me, my sixteen year old gem isn't allowed to contact me. We have to be careful whenever we want to talk, because if my parents find out they'll find some way to get me put in jail or sent out of the country-which doesn't make much since, I was born here.

Sadie, how I miss that adorable girl; it's been far too long since we've talked, and I'd been worried for the longest time, but you know how thoughts can escape you mind. It wasn't until now that I'd realized it'd almost been a year and a half since our last phone call. I heard some splashing from outside the window, and it brought me out of my thoughts.

I forgot that I was above the pool. A grin appeared on my face-is she still out there? I walked over to the window and looked behind the curtain. Demi didn't see me, but I saw her. She was doing laps in the pool again, but something about it seemed different. She seemed almost sad.

I got back in bed and fell asleep.

The next morning there was a knock at my door. I quickly ran to get my bathroom and put it on so I could answer. I opened the door to reveal a rather tired looking bellhop holding a bouquet of flowers with a card attached. "Sorry to disturb you miss," he said noting that I still had my 'Do not disturb' sign out, "But someone asked me to give these to you right away," he said.

"Thank you," I said with a smile as I took the flowers from him. Before I shut the door I held my pointer finger up indicating him to wait a moment and then I rushed over to my wallet. I pulled out a few bucks to give him as a tip for his service knowing that he works the night shift and should be at home sleeping.

"Thank you miss," he said before taking his leave. I shut the door and then went to sit on the bed to read the card.

_Alexandra, _

_ You puzzle me in every way possible and it's obvious that you're hiding something. If you ever need anyone to talk to I want you to know that you can trust me. I hope the next time I see you; you won't cut our interaction short and run off. I spent the whole night thinking about you. You're beautiful, always remember that. _

_ Xoxo, _

_ Demi_

I didn't know how to respond to this. Now I know for sure though. Demi is gay, and she does care about me. Now it's my turn to confess a secret I don't tell anyone. My dark past is creeping up on me faster and faster every day, and again I'm afraid I'm going to push her away from.

This being a nice hotel, there was a vase on the counter. I took it and filled it with some water and then cut the stems of the flowers before putting them in it. The bouquet of orchids, daisies, and various other flowers brightened the room. I noticed that in the middle of the bunch there was one red rose. A smile appeared on my face when I saw the flower.

I had two more days in Austin, and I had no clue what to do. In all honest I'd never been to the state's capitol before and I thought that some historical sightseeing or maybe hitting a few museums would be fun.

I got dressed for the day in a pair of short denim shorts and a long sleeved Beatles shirt. The shirt was whit and the sleeves were black. I flat ironed my hair and put on my favorite Batman snapback. I grabbed my purse after making sure that everything I needed was in it then slipped on my black Converse that I left by the door.

I got the elevator and pressed the down button. I watched lights go from the fourth floor to mine, there was probably going to be someone else in the elevator. The doors opened and ironically Miss Lovato was on the other side.

It was almost like were stalking each other. I stepped in the elevator not wanting to cause a scene or strike up a conversation. I kept my distance from her, but she didn't agree with that. "What the hell did you just do?" I asked her as the elevator stopped.

"You're going to stop ignoring me before you get out of the elevator," she told me. I was about to walk over to the panel to press the button to go but Demi stopped me by pushing me back towards the other side and against the wall. "Please stop ignoring me," she pleaded looking me in the eyes.

"I-I'm not," I manage to say.

"Do I need to tone this down? I thought you were into me too," she said sounding quite embarrassed as she looked to the floor.

I sighed and lifted her chin up with my thumb, "Demi I didn't even know you liked girls," I confessed. "And to be completely honest I've been crazy about you since before you knew I existed. But most people who find me intriguing end up getting hurt or hating me."

"I knew you were hiding something," she mumbled.

"I am, and it's not that I don't trust you. I don't trust myself, and I don't trust the world."

"Let me help you," she said like she knew what was wrong with me.

"Demi I can't," I said.

"Alexandra, when I saw you my whole world turned upside down. And my manager has been forcing me to hide myself through my whole career. It was like I was finally going to be able to tell people. I fell in love. Real love," she said the last six words with a saddening excitement. There were tears streaming down her face now.

"I don't want to have to lie to myself and the world anymore. I want to get to know you. I want to be your best friend, your one girl, your love. Let me in," she pleaded once more.

I stepped away from her and pressed the button for the elevator to start again. Before I stepped out I looked back at her once more and said, "I love you, but I don't want to disappoint you." I walked through the lobby and then out into the Texas heat. I made my way to my car and then started the rest of my day.

Walking through museums is kind of a bore, even for people who enjoy that stuff like me-okay I know I'm not making sense. Basically nothing makes sense to me right now. This morning's elevator incident won't stop replaying over and over in my head. Demi sounded just as lost as I was. I wanted to help her too. I wanted to love her, and show her what real love could be, but again, I wasn't capable of that.


End file.
